What do you fear most? Fear inspires in all of us a very basic instinct to fight or flee. I know there are many fears I face related to raising a family, being a daughter and daughter-in-law, and health. Online, I also deal with fear.
Sometimes I overcome it. Sometimes I do not. I win. I lose. I'm human. My greatest fear - Rejection. My greatest fear online (and likely related to my greatest fear) - Failure.
I want to create a vibe, an energy, a personality in words and pictures online that best represents me. Not an alter ego. Not a wish I could be persona. Just me. When I put so much of me into it, though, it becomes scarier and makes me feel far more vulnerable. If you reject me, you are not rejecting an avatar, or a role... and if I fail... I fail.
People I've met, friends I've made, sincere and supportive amazing men and women devoted to their own personal passions have meant the world to me. I need to give them my best. I want them to keep me, need me, use me and know that I earned that role in their world, business or pleasure, co-worker or best friend.
I have given a lot of energy to this model aspiration. I set a goal, and I didn't reach it. I failed myself. I felt then like I'd failed others. I felt like I deserved to be rejected by them in that failure.
So these closest allies, these people who mean the world to me gave me a shoulder on which to cry, time to have my bruised spirit, and then shook me and reminded me that I do not give up or give in and flee. I fight, and fight, and if I think I'm losing, I look to them for help, and then I fight some more.
The worst didn't happen. They did not give up on me or reject me or lecture me on why I did not live up to their expectations. They encouraged me, made time for me, and nudged me to give it more. And there is more to give.
For the next few weeks or months if it takes that, I'm going to refocus on this goal that I did not complete on Sunday. I know I'm not ready for all those new aspirations I had set for 2013, but I also know that I'm not ready to walk away from all the work I put into 2012.
Fear... motivates action of some kind. I face this fear of failure, and press onward, with each of you, friends, co-workers, supporters and people I have yet to meet but are part of my destiny.